Sunday, April 12, 2015

I'm Learning to Accept It

    Hello! It's been a LONG time since I posted up on my blog. I didn't forget about it, it's just that so many things have been happening since 2015 started and I was very tempted to make posts talking about my issues; however, when it comes to the internet, I have a certain filter in my head to prevent me from revealing personal things about myself and that filter was even applied to my blog. I have to keep in mind that sometimes it's okay to have some kind of journal on the internet. To some people, twitter or Facebook are their daily journals and to others have a certain filter of what to share and what not to share, and really either one is okay!
    I want to talk about me and my friend. It's something I chose not to share about myself on the internet because I was still hurting. He broke up with me in early February and I had a hard time coping with being alone, especially because we dated for almost 3 years and he's been part of my daily life for four years. I would constantly ask myself what was wrong with me or what I did. The answer is, I didn't do anything. He just lost feelings for me. I failed to realize that's life and we're just better off as best friends. Sure, I am still madly in love with him, but I guess this break up was meant to be. He even told me that someone else would come and love me more than he did and that surprised me! Because I know he loved me a whole lot and it's so hard to imagine someone that would love me more than he did. If it's more than his previous love for me, that must be a whole lot! It made me sad, but it also made me realize someone better would come along.
    At first I was extremely upset with him because it was almost our 5th year of dating and he suddenly looses feelings for me? I mean, how can that even happened?! When my friends found out this, most of them had the same mindset as I did and felt my anger and pain. But now that I've come to realize things, it's nothing to be upset about. It just means it wasn't meant to be and that's okay! It's life. My friend is such a funny, kind, and an amazing person that it's just so hard to hate him. I can't blame him for something that was meant to happen. I consider myself lucky actually. People tend to hate on their exs, but I'm still friends with mine. It was somewhat not the wisest choice to make at first, considering I was still hurting and needed some time away, but everything is fine now and I'm happy.
    I'm still in the process of accepting all that has happened and it's still hard to believe that we're not dating anymore, but yesterday we went to prom together. We had so much fun! I mean, there were times where I would try to hold his hand and I would cling to his arm as I would express my feelings for him in a joking way (even though we both knew it was how I really felt), but the whole senior prom event helped me strengthen my relationship with him and it helped me take a step to accepting that we're better as friends. I mean, while everyone slowed dance, I took him up on the dance floor to slow dance with him too, but we ended up jamming to the music as if we jamming to rock, bumping into everybody, swinging our arms around, and I ended up dipping him in the dance, but then he was just so heavy he fell down and I almost went down with him (it was so embarrassing 'cause we just ruined the mood for all these couples, but then now that I think of it, it's so funny). In the photo shoot, all these couples were being so romantic in their lovely dovey poses (don't get me wrong, a lot of them were so cute that I even complimented their pictures), but when it came to us, we couldn't help but to make silly faces and laugh a lot, which made everyone watching us laugh along too.
    It was a fun night and it helped me accept our friendship more. Now I kind of understand why people say not to date your best friend. Since he broke up with me, our friendship wasn't really the same anymore and even he is in the process of learning to be single. He in a way is also not over me, but he still feels that we are better together as friends and I agree. This happiness may not be like when we were dating, but it's just a different kind of happiness, that's all. I'm glad that we're best friends and I think I prefer it this way as well.